I wasn’t supposed to be here today. Twelve years ago, I died.

Of course, I came back. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this. But for a brief moment, I was gone.

When I returned, something had shifted. Everything looked the same, but it didn’t feel the same.

I had a miscarriage.

That night, at the hospital, I asked to use the toilet before the surgical procedure. As I sat there, I felt a sudden lightness, like a huge weight of energy leaving my body. It was peaceful. Then, everything went black.

It wasn’t like sleep. It wasn’t like dreaming. It was just... nothing. A stillness so deep it felt endless. Then, voices. Not loud, not clear, but I somehow knew exactly what they meant: 'It’s not her time yet.'

And then, like a force pulling me through water, I was back (for a while). When I opened my eyes, I was curled up on the cold floor beneath the sink, my head hurting. I pulled the emergency string, unlocked the door, and everything faded out again.

Next thing I knew, I heard voices. A nurse was sprinkling water on my face. **I could hear them, see them, **but I couldn’t move.

Then, without warning, my body took a deep, sudden inhale as I jerked upright, completely awake, full of energy, and even excited.

Around me, about ten healthcare personnel froze. It was past midnight, and they just stared at me like they had seen a ghost.

Then, all at once, they snapped out of it and rushed me back to my ward. They checked me over, ran some tests, monitored my blood levels. Everything was fine.

One of the nurses finally spoke. “We thought you were dead.”

She explained that when they found me, I was sitting against the door with eyes open, pale face, lips blue, completely unresponsive. They had been trying to force the door open when it “suddenly”unlocked. And there I was.

At the time, I didn’t fully understand what had happened. But over the years, I realized this wasn’t just a near-death moment. It shaped the way I see healing, energy and life itself.

New Here? Start from the Beginning.

If you just joined, welcome! This isn’t a one-off story but it’s part of a much bigger journey.

I’ve been sharing my story from the very start, leading up to how I ended up doing deep energy clearing today. Every letter is a puzzle piece, and today’s piece just happens to be about that one time I technically died.

If you’d like to catch up on the earlier parts of the story, start here:

🔹 Part 1: The Beginning – Where it all started.
🔹 Part 2: My Health Wake-Up Call – The moment everything changed.
🔹 Part 3: Seeing Beyond the Physical – What I discovered after stepping into the unseen.

Each story builds on the next, so take your time. It’ll all make sense in the end.

When You Die and Still Have to Pay Bills

The hardest part wasn’t dying. It was coming back and realizing I wasn’t the same person anymore.

Before my NDE, I knew who I was. My name, my beliefs, my personality - all of it made sense.

But when I returned? None of it fit anymore.

My name felt foreign. My past felt like it belonged to someone else. I couldn’t relate to people I used to be close to. The things I once cared about felt distant.

For a long time, I was confused. Why did I feel like I didn’t belong in my own life? I read everything I could, trying to make sense of it.

Do you know how intense it felt? My NDE wasn’t some grand spiritual awakening. I didn’t see God. I didn’t return as a bestselling author with an inspirational story.

I came back feeling worse before I felt better. It was like being sent to the wrong home and being forced to pay someone else’s rent.

A few years later, something strange happened. Every personality test I’d ever taken (MBTI, Enneagram, astrology) none of it fit anymore.

They weren’t wrong. They just described someone I used to be.

Even a top-tier astrologer read my chart. Every prediction was correct, except they had all already happened.

That’s when I realized: Personality isn’t permanent.

These things can help us understand parts of ourselves, but they’re not life sentences. We’re not boxes. We’re not templates.

We grow. We outgrow.

That shift became the foundation of my work. I stopped seeing people as just their past, their trauma, their labels.

I started seeing them for what they really are: souls carrying layers of emotions, waiting to be cleared.

What Death Taught Me About Emotion

The weirdest part is, through all of it - losing a child, leaving my body, coming back, I felt nothing but peace.

No grief. No panic. No sadness. I wasn’t numb. I was just… calm.

Before this happened, I had been stressed, anxious, and heartbroken. I wanted that baby. I had spent so much time hoping, imagining, preparing. Of course, I was sad.

But the moment I returned? All of that was just… gone.

No emotional attachment. No lingering grief. It was as if something had lifted entirely.

The strangest part is the excitement I had upon waking up again in the same body.

It wasn’t just relief. It felt like a new life force.

Something inside me had shifted, and after that, it became almost impossible to stay stuck in sadness. Not just about this, but about anything.

I could still feel disappointment, of course. I could still face struggles. But something about this experience made it easier to get back up. To move through challenges. To not sink.

That’s when it hit me:

It’s not what happens to us that shapes us. It’s the emotions and thoughts we attach to it.

Two people can go through the same storm. One walks out, the other stays stuck in the rain.

Same event. Different emotional weight.

That’s why in my work, I don’t just listen to people’s stories anymore. I listen to what’s underneath.

The story is just the surface. The real stuff is buried deeper.

And if emotions define our experience of life, then healing isn’t about “fixing” the past.

It’s about clearing what we still carry from it.

What Death Taught Me About Fear

Before my NDE, I had already spent years exploring everything I was told about death: what happens after, where we go, what different religions say about it. I studied, I questioned, I searched.

For the most part, I found peace with it. I had answers. But this experience? It sealed everything completely.

Because now, I didn’t just understand death. I had tasted it.

And what I found was nothing like the fear we are taught.

Overcoming fear of death and the afterlife is one of the most freeing and enlightening experiences a person can have.

Because once you no longer fear it, you start living without limiting beliefs.

But that doesn’t mean life becomes less meaningful. If anything, it becomes even more precious.

When you truly understand that this waking moment, this body, this experience of being human is temporary, fleeting, and incredibly rare, you cherish it more.

You stop wasting time on things that don’t matter. You embrace life fully, not because you fear death, but because you finally understand the value of being here.

Every sunrise, every connection, every simple joy, they mean more now.

One day, we won’t be here to taste, feel, laugh, or love in the exact same way we do now. And that itself is the greatest reason to live with gratitude.

Understanding Death to Heal the Living

After my NDE, something else changed. I became deeply attuned to those who had passed.

When grieving clients come to me, I don’t just understand their pain. I feel it. Not because I’ve lost someone too but because I’ve been on the other side.

There is no suffering there. No pain. Only transition.

Sometimes, when I work with clients, the spirits of their loved ones come through. Not in a spooky, dramatic way. Just a quiet presence. A gentle nudge.

They want to pass messages along, words they couldn’t say before.

And sometimes, it’s not just the living who need to move on. The energy of someone who passed can linger, keeping their loved ones stuck in grief.

Clearing energy blockages, therefore, is not just about the living.

And because I’ve been there myself, I can hold space for both sides without fear, without doubt, with absolute clarity.

3 Things My Near-Death Experience Taught Me:

1. You are not who you think you are.

Your name, your struggles, your personality. None of it followed me when I died. I was still me, but not the version I had spent my whole life identifying with.

If your identity disappears the moment you leave this body, then who are you really?

2. Fear keeps you trapped in a story that was never yours.

Most people hold onto pain, labels, and limiting beliefs not because they are true, but because they are familiar (and “comfortable”).

But what if you could let go? What if everything keeping you stuck was never actually yours to carry?

3. Letting go doesn’t mean losing yourself. It means finally meeting yourself.

The version of you that is free, limitless, and completely unburdened already exists.

You don’t have to become someone new. You just have to stop holding onto everything that isn’t really you.

And if that’s something you’re ready for, I can help.

You don’t have to stay stuck. You don’t have to carry this weight. You don’t have to be who you’ve always been.

Because you were never meant to stay the same.

In the next letter, I’ll share how my journey took an unexpected turn into the medical world.

What I discovered changed everything I thought I knew about illness, healing, and what truly lies beneath physical symptoms.

Until the next letter,

Shaya

Healing Letters (Subscribe here to receive my letters straight to your mailbox)


Disclaimer:

The self-healing methods shared in this letter are intended to support your emotional and energetic well-being. They are not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Results may vary, and it is important to consult a licensed healthcare or mental health professional if you are experiencing severe symptoms or distress.