Do you know what it’s like to not feel safe in your own body?
To lie in bed at night and wonder if it will happen again.
To fall asleep not in peace but in terror. Not knowing if you will wake up to horror.
For a long time, I didn’t know what it felt like to be safe. Every night felt uncertain and risky. Going to bed had never felt restful. Being in the same house with other people didn’t feel safe at all.
Sleeping alone was the first and only time I actually felt safe. For a long time, I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling that way. But looking back, I realise it was the trauma from the abuse.
Even after many years had passed, the fear was still in my body. The memories didn’t go away even though my mind had shut them off. This is something I see often in people who have gone through abuse. They don’t remember much from the past because the trauma blocks it. They are too painful to recall.
This letter is for anyone who has gone through sexual abuse, or knows someone who has. Whether it happened once or many times, whether it was spoken about or kept hidden.
Sexual abuse is not just a past event. It’s a disease-causing tragedy that buries itself into your system, into your reproductive organs, your energy field, your self-worth, your capacity to feel safe, and abilty to trust. When it gets expressed, it can look like rebellion. When it gets suppressed, it can show up as a physical illness. And metaphysically, when you left it unspoken for too long, it can turn into cancer.
In metaphysics, cancer is often linked to something called “secret hurt”. You might forget about it, but your body never does and it holds the hurt for you for a long time.
I survived abuse as a child, and again as a teenager. I didn’t know how to deal with it except expressing my anger, even though nobody heard me. I thought I was fine because I could still function. What I did not know is that surviving is not healing.
About ten years later, and still in that vulnerable space of being unhealed and open to more abuse, I came across a story that changed me. It was in Reader’s Digest (that magazine we used to find at clinics and homes in the 90s).
I can still remember the story because it didn’t just help me with the shame and pain of sexual abuse. It taught me something I would use for the rest of my life.
It was about a woman who survived more than just sexual abuse. She survived what most people wouldn’t imagine making it out of. After being kidnapped and raped by two men, she was stabbed and left for dead. Yet even in that state, she kept telling herself, “This is just my body, not me.”
A passerby found her later, called the ambulance and police, and kept her conscious by asking her to squeeze his hand in response. She pulled through and eventually survived. When the attackers were caught later, they couldn’t believe she was still alive.
This article made me sad for weeks. I was only sixteen. I know Healing Letters are not supposed to be traumatising. But I’m not writing this to replay the horror. I’m writing this to tell you what stayed with me. The sentence that rewired my brain:
“This is just my body. Not me.”
She wasn’t teaching any spiritual method. I don’t think she even knew what she was doing except surviving. But what she said turned out to be a real technique and a powerful one. It sank so deep into my mind that I ended up using it years later, during my second childbirth.
Some of you might remember when I shared the story about how I used energy in my childbirth experiences here. I was scared of pain. During my first birth, I completely forgot about this, probably because I was surrounded by other mothers who were also afraid and full of anxiety. But the second time, when I decided to go all natural, I remembered this. And it helped: “This is just my body, not me.”
But this Healing Letter is not about pain management or surviving abuse. It’s about something that came up just recently.
While doing my own clearing (yes, I do energy clearing for myself regularly too), something unexpected came up. Sexual abuse surfaced as one of the root causes behind an issue that had nothing to do with the abuse itself. I don’t even remember what I was working on that day, but when it showed up, I knew it was not fully healed, because the underlying root causes had never been cleared.
What this means is, sexual abuse doesn't just cause health issues. It can also cause other challenges in other areas of life - relationships, abundance, etc.
So I decided to do a separate clearing session, just to work through this issue that I thought I had overcome by rewiring my brain.
As I went through the clearing, I started seeing flashes from the past. I remembered my mother once telling me she was also abused in the same way as a child. Then my grandmother’s pain came through too. After that, even older ancestral trauma started to surface. This was how I understood that the silent trauma from the sexual abuse I was carrying did not just come from me.
When I do clearing for others, I also came to realise that sometimes, even the abuser is carrying the same kind of imprint. It’s actually quite common for those who were abused before to end up doing the same to others if they never had the chance to heal. The abused can turn into abusers when they grow older.
When the trauma is not fully healed, it spreads. Like how cancer cells do. For some people, it shows up as illness, especially in the womb, sexual organs, or reproductive system. For others, it comes through in their behaviour, confusion about their own sexuality, over-indulgence or even sexual misconduct, or thought patterns they can’t explain, which are all often done without realising it’s connected to this particular pain they have been through. All these are linked to deep energetic blockages that run across many levels including those that have been passed down through generations, not just the physical level.
I’m not trying to scare you. But these are real things I’ve seen again and again throughout the clearing work I do to help people heal.
Sexual abuse is not just a single tragedy. It’s a multilayered poison that spreads into every area of your life. It affects:
- how you see yourself
- how you attract success
- how you relate to your partner
- how safe you feel in your own body
- how you respond to touch
- how you set boundaries
- how you react to hurt
- how you speak up for yourself
- how much you think you deserve
- how you behave in intimate relationships
- how you trust others
And even how you raise your children. It doesn’t just sit in your memory. It really shows up in the way you live, love, and lead your life.
And, until you clear it fully in every layer, it stays in your system. And it continues to silently shape your present.
You might think you have already forgotten about it. But it’s still there waiting for the right time to come up again.
If you feel ready to heal more deeply and if you think it's time to claim more freedom in your life, just reply to this email. Ask me to check if I’m allowed to clear this specific trauma or whatever is still stuck in your system that might be affecting you. I will tune in and do an energy scan and let you know how many layers need to be cleared. After that, it’s your choice.
I know some of you may feel something surfacing just from reading this.
If this letter brought up something painful that you have been keeping inside, I know it’s not easy to read up to this point. But you are not alone. And you don’t have to carry this by yourself anymore.
If it feels painful, take your time. What you are feeling is real, and it’s valid.
Breathe. There’s no need to rush.
Until the next letter,
Shaya
P.S. My clearing work has expanded. It’s no longer just about finding and clearing root causes. Each session now includes guided clearing, manifestation work, coaching, and sometimes mediumship depending on whether your Higher Self or spirit guides come in. From the usual 45 mins to 60 mins, it has now always extended to up to 3 hours per session for many cases.
Because of this shift, I will be retiring this version of the service soon to focus on my writing. I’ll still take in a few more clients at the current rate before I update the offerings. If you have been considering it, now is probably the right time. ❤️
Subscribe here to receive my periodical Healing Letters in your inbox
Click here to read past Healing Letters.
Disclaimer:
The self-healing methods shared in this letter are intended to support your emotional and energetic well-being. They are not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Results may vary, and it is important to consult a licensed healthcare or mental health professional if you are experiencing severe symptoms or distress.
