Do you really have a lot on your plate, or do you just not know how to say no?

If it’s the latter, I’m here to tell you that the one word that will cost you your health is:

“YES”


—> Saying yes to what you don’t really want.

Have you ever said “yes” when you wanted to say “no”?

Felt that heavy regret when you agreed to something that went against everything inside you?

I think you know this feeling. Almost everyone does. It comes from that quiet need to keep others comfortable, to keep peace, to avoid upsetting anyone.

It’s so natural that you may not even notice it, so deeply embedded in your responses it becomes automatic.

But while you’re saying “yes” on the outside, something else is happening deep inside.

Why is Paolo Coelho right?

Because every time you say “yes” out of fear, guilt, or pressure to keep someone happy, your body feels it. Your cells feel it.

And that energy of “quiet sacrifice” doesn’t disappear. It soaks into your body like water sinking into the roots of a tree, and it leaves marks that last.

The Impact of “Yes” on Your Body

Science shows that emotional responses you don’t express - especially feelings like anger, fear, and guilt - don’t just disappear. They create biochemical responses in the body:

  • Every time you say “yes” to please others while betraying yourself, your body releases stress hormones, like cortisol.
  • Cortisol, over time, wears down your body’s resilience. Which means, it weakens the immune system, increases inflammation and speeds up aging.
  • Prolonged exposure to high cortisol levels can alter cell function, linking it to issues like chronic fatigue, high blood pressure, digestive issues and cardiovascular diseases.

So it’s not “just” a choice between yes or no. It’s a choice between a life that nurtures your body and one that slowly breaks it down.

Learning to say “no” may be one of the most important choices you ever make for your health.

Saying Yes for a Lifetime

I want to tell you about an elder I worked with, a woman who had spent her entire life saying “yes” to others. Let’s call her Shirley.

She was a caretaker her whole life. She raised her siblings, cared for her children, then her aging parents, and even her husband through illness.

By the time she reached her sixties, she was deeply depleted. Her body felt it, and her mind felt it. She struggled with chronic fatigue and depression (despite being known by her circle as a jovial, friendly and heartwarming person who always brings people together).

But the hardest part was she still could not stop saying “yes.”

Even now, at an age where her body called out for rest, for care, for tenderness, she still found herself agreeing to things she didn’t want to or can’t do. She was still saying “yes” to keep people around her comfortable. And the weight of those choices was heavy.

In one of our sessions, she said, “I don’t know who I am. I’ve spent my whole life doing what everyone else needs. I poured so much love to everyone. Now I am old. And I feel like I have nothing left for myself.”

She carried a lifetime of saying “yes” on her shoulders, and it showed in her health. In her spirit.

And I know she is not alone. I have seen so many people, especially women, who spend their lives this way. Giving and saying yes to everyone except themselves.

By the time they reach later life, their bodies and hearts are worn down. They struggle with depression, and for many, there’s this quiet bitterness, even deep anger. Anger at a life spent keeping everyone happy but themselves.

And it’s not just emotional. It’s deeply physical. Even scientists now understand that emotional suppression has a powerful effect on physical health.

The Science of Suppression

Every emotion you feel, every “yes” that should have been a “no,” creates a physical response.

Unexpressed anger and suppressed needs don’t just disappear. They sink into the body, into the muscles, the organs.

Research shows that suppressed anger and chronic self-betrayal create inflammation in the body.

You may have heard of inflammation. It’s what happens when your immune system goes into overdrive, responding as if your body were constantly under attack.

Chronic inflammation has been linked to nearly every major age-related disease, from arthritis to heart disease to Alzheimer’s.

When you live your life saying “yes” while denying yourself, you are literally inflaming your body.

In Shirley’s case, her body had suffered a lifetime of this inflammation. Doctors told her that her health issues were “normal” for someone her age.

But what is normal about sacrificing yourself until your body breaks down?

What is normal about a lifetime of denying your own needs to the point of exhaustion?

This is what I want you to understand: these patterns do not just happen.

Your choices build up over time.

Each “yes” that ignores your own needs sends a signal to your body, to your cells, that you are not safe, that you cannot protect yourself.

The body begins to believe this. It internalises this message. Over decades, this message becomes a physical reality: depression, chronic pain, illnesses that go beyond just “aging.”

How Saying No Changes Your Body

Imagine saying “no” when you mean it. Imagine that “no” coming from a place of self-respect, from honouring your own energy.

That “no” is more than a word. It’s a message to your cells that you are safe, that you can protect yourself.

Research shows that people who practice healthy boundaries and honor their needs experience:

  • Lower levels of inflammation in the body.
  • Reduced oxidative stress, which slows the aging of cells.
  • Faster recovery from illness and greater resilience overall.

They live with a deeper resilience because they are no longer sending their bodies into stress mode every time they ignore their own needs.

And I have a confession: I myself learned this the hard way.

I didn’t come to know all this by coincidence, or from reading random books and articles. I learned it through experience, through the consequences of saying “yes” even when I knew my body couldn’t handle it. I spent years pushing myself, saying “yes” when every part of me was saying “no.” I refused to ask for help, thinking I could manage it all alone.

But over time, I felt the toll it took on my health. The parts of my body I neglected started to weaken, and they began to deteriorate.

The truth is, it wasn’t others who were at fault. I was the one who believed it was no big deal to keep doing more. I thought it was good to go the extra mile for others. But it was my choice, again and again, to sacrifice my own well-being for the comfort of others.

That’s why I shared this on my Telegram channel:

“​​The Myth of Sacrifice

You don’t have to sacrifice anything. Not your time, not your energy, not your peace.

Sacrifice is a choice.

Nobody forced you to do it.

Your children never asked to be born.

Your parents may have expectations, but you’re not obligated to fulfill them.

Your partner didn’t ask you to sacrifice your dreams, you chose to.

So why do so many CHOOSE to do or be where they are and then complain (or brag) about the weight?

If you’re sacrificing for others, make sure it’s something you want to do, not something you feel obligated to do..”

Sacrifice is indeed a choice. And if you’re the one choosing to sacrifice, it’s also your responsibility to stop. No one else can do it for you.

The Energy You Carry Passes Through Generations

There’s something people don’t often realise about unspoken sacrifices:

The energy from these choices doesn’t stay within you. It moves forward, passed down like an invisible thread, from one generation to the next.

This chart shows how stress doesn’t end with one person. When one generation is affected, the impact echoes through those that follow, growing stronger over time.

Unresolved stress and emotional patterns don’t just fade. They become your legacy.

Image Source: Nature Scientific Reports

In my clearing sessions, almost every time, the root cause of a health issue or life struggle goes back to a parent, or even further back to an ancestor. It’s not random.

The energy of unresolved emotions, of unhealed wounds, stays alive, even after our body passed on.

Usually, the deeper the line of ancestors carrying these patterns, the more severe the impact on those in the present.

I’ve had clients with chronic health issues, lifelong patterns of self-sacrifice, even intense fears they couldn’t explain. When we trace these struggles back, they’re not always their own. Often, they are echoes of ancestors who couldn’t say “no,” who gave too much, who silenced their needs to survive.

Imagine generations upon generations who held back their true selves, who ignored their own voices.

This weight does not disappear. It builds up, carried silently, growing heavier and heavier, eventually showing up as severe ailments, intense emotional struggles, and deeper blocks in life and it becomes a part of what you pass on.

You might see it in your children, in the way they mirror your fears, your anxieties, sometimes even struggles you’ve never spoken of.

Or you might notice it in yourself, seeing behaviour patterns from your parents showing up in your own life as you grow.

This is why healing these patterns matters so deeply. When you choose to break the cycle and start saying “no” with love, you are not just healing your own life, you are freeing your whole lineage.

You are breaking the chains that have held generation after generation, creating a new path of freedom for those who come after you. :)

Shifting from Fear to Love in Your Choices

When you say “no” out of anger or fear, it may protect you in that moment.

It creates a wall, a barrier.

But anger and fear also send tension into your body. Your cells feel it. People around you feel it. That “no” becomes just another form of resistance.

However, when you say “no” out of self-love, it’s an entirely different experience. It is not a wall. It’s a boundary made of respect.

Your cells receive a different message: a message of safety, and of love.

This “no” nourishes you. It brings you closer to your true self.

Reclaiming Self-Trust Through Saying No

Learning to say “no” from the point of love is not easy. Shirley struggled with this.

She told me, “It feels selfish. I feel like I’m abandoning people.”

These feelings come up because you’ve been taught your whole life that you exist to serve others.

But you do not exist to abandon yourself. Saying “no” from love is an act of self-trust. It’s a practice of coming back to yourself again and again, no matter how many times you doubt.

It’s about believing that your needs, your well-being, and your energy matter just as much as anyone else’s.

When you honour yourself, you teach your body to release that deep-rooted fear. You begin to build a foundation of safety within yourself. You teach your cells: “I am here for you. I will not abandon you.” And that trust is powerful.

It creates resilience that shows up in your body, in your relationships, and in the way you see yourself.

Start Small: Practicing Self-Trust

If you’ve spent your life saying “yes,” if you are like Shirley, I know this is not easy. But you can start small. You can start today.

I’m not sharing Shirley’s story to shame her. In fact, she should be applauded for her bravery in taking action to change her emotional state and health condition.

Shirley has actually turned her energy around after a few one-on-one sessions with me. We worked through layers of stress energy removal including traumas from her ancestors.

In her last session, Shirley told me she laughs more every day. She feels lighter, and finally has the energy to connect with others and even joined a local women’s charity group that hosts fun activities. She’s finding her joy again. :-)

Healing and self-trust don’t happen overnight, but they grow with each choice you make for yourself.

Next time someone asks you for something, pause.

Ask yourself first: do I really want to say “yes”?

Take a deep breath. Feel the answer in your body.

If it’s a “no,” honour that. You don’t have to explain. You don’t have to feel guilty.

Start with small boundaries. Allow yourself to test the waters.

With each “no” that comes from self-respect, you’re building a new foundation. You are telling your cells, your body, your heart, that you are safe, that you are worthy of your own care. Get it?

For Reflection:

To protect your health through a loving “No”, consider these questions:

  • What emotions come up when you think about saying “no”?
  • Are you saying “yes” because you truly want to, or because you are afraid of what will happen if you say “no”?
  • How can you honour your “no” with compassion and self-respect?

Let these questions guide you.


Until the next letter,

Shaya Ang