I mentioned in last week’s letter that one of the most important things you can do to prevent deteriorating health in the future is to choose your circle carefully.
I know this is easier said than done, especially when it comes to family and long-time friends. But I cannot stress enough how crucial this is. I am living proof that your environment shapes your health.
Sooner or later, it catches up.
There is an energy we pick up from those around us: an energy that sinks into our bones, shows up in our faces, and lives in our bodies.
The friendships we keep, the relationships we invest in, even the family ties we inherit, they all contribute to an energy that shapes us.
Not just mentally but physically.
In everything that I have encountered in my healing journey, one truth remains:
To truly heal and prevent future health issues, we need to consciously choose people who help us grow.
It’s as essential as any remedy.
Those who drain you, who subtly or openly bring you down, are as harmful as any toxin.
Even those who are positive but neither encourage or discourage you to grow, are still holding you in a state of stagnation.
Growth, like health, must be intentional.
Choosing Your Circle Is A Prerequisite for Growth
Before you start joining or seeking out “positive people,” consider first who you might need to release from your life.
We often skip this step because it's hard and it takes a great deal of courage. But it's essential.
If you only look for positive people and new energies, you are only stacking positivity on top of buried negativity. That is just like slapping paint over a cracked wall. The cracks will still break through sooner or later.
Growth requires making space.
It means letting go of people, habits, places, and even the older versions of ourselves.
It’s hard, I know. And it’s often uncomfortable. But it’s the only best way forward.
When to Leave, and Why Not to Wait:
If you live in an abusive relationship or household, whether it involves physical, emotional, mental, or verbal abuse, you do not need tips, advice, or techniques. All you need is to leave the environment ASAP.
If you can't, for whatever reason, then your job and responsibility is to immediately find out how to do that. Reach out for help, and bear in mind that when you reach out for help, you are reaching out for help to LEAVE the environment immediately, NOT for advice on how to cope or improve the relationship.
Leave the physical environment first and foremost, and do not think about anything else until you have safely moved out of the environment.
Leaving is the only healthy option.
Staying in a toxic environment is like continuing to swallow poison. And believe me, I mean this quite literally. Even negative thoughts affect our physical bodies.
If your home, workplace, or relationships drain you, weigh you down, or keep you stuck in the same place, it’s time to reassess, and the time is now, not tomorrow or someday.
Creating Space without Conflict
If there is no abuse, but you feel the energy drain, all you need to do is step away. There is no need to “break up” or write farewell letters. There is no need to explain too.
Just create space by gently reducing time spent together, and as you do that , find circles that help you grow, that inspire new thoughts, that encourage a higher consciousness.
Growth doesn’t mean finding people who only “cheer you up”: it’s about finding those who call you to grow and push your limits.
But first, remove from your environment whoever is holding you back. This is so crucial that it even came up as a remedy in one of my sessions with a client:
The remedy that emerged for her was to move out of her family home. It turned out the energy there was impacting her health and blocking her growth.
For context, some clearings will reveal remedies as specific actions to support healing, usually tied to physical health, but sometimes they go deeper to point to necessary life shifts.
At first, this seemed impossible to her, both financially and emotionally, but after layers and rounds of clearing, her energy shifted, her confidence rose, and suddenly the “impossible” became possible.
She moved out smoothly, and her healing accelerated. It was eye-opening as it shows just how essential our environment is to our physical wellbeing.
Making necessary physical changes are just as vital as inner work or healing. And many times, life opens up when we finally have the courage to release what no longer serves us.
Is Your Circle Helping You Grow?
So how do you know if your circle is holding you back?
One way is to look back and ask yourself if you have grown over the last 11 months. Have there been positive changes? A shift in your thinking?
If the answer is no, it’s often because the circle around you hasn’t changed either.
Growth is not about drastic changes, but about consistent positive momentum and taking small steps that enhance your mind, body, energy, and consciousness.
The 11-Month Rule: A Rhythm for Growth
Why 11 months? I base this on Dr. Joseph Murphy’s theory that you build a new body every 11 months through your dominant thoughts.
I have seen this in myself and in my family. Ever since I intended for and committed to growth, each year has brought something new. Starting from that commitment, every 11 months, I could look back and see how I had changed for the better.
Reflect on your own life: has there been a shift, or has everything and everyone remained just as they were?
If there are indeed changes, ask yourself if they happened due to external pressure or unavoidable circumstances or due to your own deliberate intention to be a better person? Only the latter counts.
If you have not experienced real change, perhaps it’s time to seek out new energy. New conversations, new experiences.
Often, what keeps us stuck is not because we have no potential for further growth but simply because the people around us don't match our energy or they hold us in the same patterns, unknowingly.
The Myth of Best Friends Forever (BFF)
Let’s talk about a big myth that holds many back: “Best Friends Forever” or BFF.
This idea of a BFF is a term rooted in childhood, in the need to cling to something permanent. Often, it is coined by lonely and insecure children who lack close bonds with their family.
The truth is, there is no “forever” in human relationships. Life does not offer permanence. It offers change.
We either grow together or we grow apart. And for those who are evolving, separation is not cruel or painful. It’s a gift and it's liberating.
Growth and evolution mean letting go, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Recall that moment when you leave useless baggage behind on a journey. Why did you do that?
Because if you didn't do that, your jouney will be heavy and unnecassarily exhausting.
It's the same for your journey to growth. If you want to feel lighter and have more energy as you grow, you have to shed what no longer serves you, to make room for what does.
Who would willingly carry everything they own on a journey? Some people even buy new clothes for travel to avoid carrying the weight of the old.
Even worse is the feeling when you return home from a high-energy vacation to a heavy, stagnant family environment. That energy you felt on holiday will quikly fade.
Most people need regular vacations because the human body was not made to stay in one place forever.
And for most people, they tend to stay in one place, one job, one people, one nation, one Singapore. Sorry I digress, that Singapore National Day song just crept into my head.
Yes, so travelling is the only one time they feel revived, and uplifted. Because the rest of their life lacks that freshness, that growth. Only vacation can bring them energy, which is true, but only if it involves new people and new environments. Travel done with the same crowd and at the same place is not growth; it’s just a temporary escape. No new energy, just new air, new scenery.
Growth is Not Comfortable
I recently shared on my Telegram channel:
"Growth is never cozy. It NEVER is. It’s a disruptive force, pushing you to shed what’s familiar and safe. Real growth demands discomfort, resilience, and often a willingness to face what you’d rather avoid. Comfort keeps you stagnant. Discomfort moves you forward. Remember: the toughest phases bring the biggest breakthroughs."
One of the most uncomfortable phases in growth is subtracting people from your life.
It’s a decision only you can make, and only you will realize when it’s necessary. It may seem uncomfortable now, but it’s a decision to honour yourself and step into who you are becoming.
Imagine Your Future Self: Who Will You Grow Into?
Whether or not you believe in immortality, it doesn’t hurt to grow into a better person each day.
Imagine yourself at 90. Do you want to be surrounded by vibrant, energetic people, or do you want to be in a circle that keeps you stagnant?
If you start growing and changing your circle now, imagine how much better your environment will be in the years to come.
Do you want to be that grumpy, nagging, gossiping old man or woman, or do you want to be one of those vibrant older folks who look decades younger, have more energy than most people in their 20s, and are still making a difference?
It all depends on the action you take now to modify your circle.
Practical Questions for Reflecting on Your Circle:
What if the person holding you back is your best friend? What if it’s a member of your friend group? What if it’s a family member?
- What if it’s Your Best Friend?
If you have a longtime friend who is holding you back, you don’t have to write a breakup letter.
Simply reduce the time spent together and, over time, let the connection naturally fade.
If they ask, you can be honest without placing blame or adjust the gap to meet up occasionally without close ties. Consider it a self-love project, not ghosting.
Meanwhile, seek out new social circles. Take classes alone, try new things. Do what you used to do together on your own. - What if They’re Part of a Group?
This can feel harder: “I don’t like him, but he’s the best friend of my best friend.”
The truth is, you might have to let the whole group go. There are millions of groups and experiences in the world. What are you holding onto that you can’t find elsewhere?
Often, this clinging comes from a place of lack, a need we have not identified. Find the source and work on letting go of the neediness and limiting beliefs. - What if It’s Family?
- Family can feel like an even bigger challenge. But remember, family is about helping each other grow. Only toxic family members who refuse to change and harm you must be distanced.
If you are an adult, independence becomes crucial. Take responsibility for your growth. Self-love means creating a life and circle that nourishes you mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's time to be independent!
And this moment is the time to start taking action.
Whether it’s releasing friends, groups, or a family, remember: the choice to grow is a choice for health and for your future self.
You must act now if you want a healthy body tomorrow.
Until next week, reflect and decide.
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Shaya Ang
