I have a friend who’s been living with a strange health condition for over four years. When it strikes, he can’t talk, can’t eat, can hardly move. And it happens every day. He only gets short windows of about 15-20 minutes to function before it hits again.

And through all that, he never cries or complains.

I once showed him the quote below, describing what chronic suffering feels like:

”It's not the pain, it's the not knowing when it's going to stop, it's the suffering, it's the way people look at you as if you're fine, it's the medical professionals not believing you, it's the drug induced dulling of the senses, it's the longing to do what you used to do, it's the loss of mobility, the loss of dignity, the loss of self worth, it's letting down your nearest and dearest when they need you, it's the dark and lonely nights when sleep eludes you, it's the long and lonely days when movement is difficult, AND then there's the pain on top of it all.”

He read it and said, “Yeah, that’s roughly how it feels like.”

But when I asked how he manages to stay so calm then, he just said, “I don’t know. I’m just not resisting. Because at the end of the day, it’s all about moving on with life whether we like it or not.”

That made me reflect deeply. I have never met anyone in a worse situation who could stay that calm and steady.

He may still be experiencing the symptoms, but he is the most indifferent towards his own “suffering” and I mean that in a good way.

Of course, he’s still working hard to care for himself and to heal. But it was clear to me that he didn’t need more healing now. He only needed to keep moving forward, and keep flowing.

And that made me realise that what needs to heal first is not the experience of pain but the resistance to pain.

Because if you’re not careful, resistance can grow so big until you start pushing away even the good stuff in life.

That’s exactly what this week’s letter is about.

We’re going to unpack what resistance really is, when it can be useful, how it messes with your body and energy, and how to snap out of it before it becomes your default setting.

WHAT RESISTANCE LOOKS LIKE

Resistance is certainly not just breakdowns or shouting matches. Most of the time, it shows up in silence. You can even have no idea it’s happening.

When you know it, the signs are typically felt in your body or seen in your behaviour. Like that inner tension you feel, the clenched jaw, the shortness of breath, endless scrolling, or the decision fatigue.


There are three things you might be energetically resisting whether you know it or not:

1. Resisting the present moment.

Example: Your soul doesn't want to work in this job, but you have no choice. You go to work happy on the outside but your soul is not. You work in an air-conditioned office but when you get back home it feels like you just came back from a marathon.

2. Resisting the past.

Example: You are living the moment, in love and enjoying moments with your family and friends. But at the back of your mind, you are constantly resisting the past - the parent who abused you; the community who ostracised you. You cling to the moment so much because you are running from the past. The sign of this is usually seen or felt when you are overly attached to the present moment, which leads to the third type of resistance:

3. Resisting the future.

Example: You are in the now, but your mind is constantly thinking about the future. Not actually thinking, but resisting or fearing the future. This is not merely emotional worry. Some people are really living the fear of losing the present moment and they carry this for too long they have no idea the intensity has come to the level of trauma.


The thing is, your body doesn’t know the difference between resisting a situation and being in actual danger. Whether you’re avoiding a feeling or running from a hard truth, your nervous system reacts the same way, as if a tiger is chasing you. And these days, unfortunately, the “tiger” doesn’t look like a wild animal. It looks like five unread messages, one hard conversation, or the grocery bill (despite the CDC Vouchers).

Of course, not all resistance is bad. Sometimes it’s actually a good thing. Like when you hold your ground against toxic behaviour, or when you refuse to give up on something that matters so much for your well-being or future. That kind of resistance comes from a clear place. It’s based on your values, not fear. It engages the part of your brain that helps you think long-term and make wise choices. In fact, it makes you stronger.

But the other kind - the one driven by fear, avoidance, or shame is the disempowering resistance. It over-activates your amygdala, drops your system into stress, and causes all kinds of stuck energy. This is the resistance that blocks healing, delays growth and burns you out.

The amygdala is a small almond-shaped part of your brain (you have two; one on each side), and it's mainly responsible for processing emotions, especially fear, threat, and stress.

Think of it like your brain’s internal alarm system.

When something feels dangerous - whether it's a real emergency or just a stressful situation like a harsh email, public speaking or someone giving you “that tone” - your amygdala kicks in to protect you. It sends signals to activate the fight, flight, or freeze response.

It also plays a role in emotional memory, which is why sometimes even thinking about past trauma can make your body react like it’s happening again.

When resistance becomes chronic, your body starts doing things like:

  • Ignoring good opportunities
  • Forgetting to reply to emails about things you actually want
  • Pushing away people who love you
  • Staying in toxic situations because letting go “feels scary”
  • Overworking and constantly feeling you “must be productive, otherwise…” .

Chronic resistance has been linked to poor emotional regulation, hormonal imbalances, lowered immunity, high blood pressure, fatigue and burnout, poor memory and cognition, physical pain, tension and even flare-ups in autoimmune issues.

Some researchers even linked high resistance to increased risk of early mortality. Because your system is literally shutting down from the constant stress of resisting.

So what’s the opposite of resistance? (The Solution)

When there is too much resistance and the system can no longer contain it, people often find themselves stuck in apathy - frozen, cold, indifferent.

Apathy is when you shut down because you’ve been overwhelmed for too long. You stop caring about yourself or anything else. You feel flat, disconnected like you’re not even here. It mimics the trauma-based freeze state: no energy, no motivation, and no inner movement at all. It might look like calmness from the outside, but inside you kinda collapsed.

That’s not the solution; that’s the consequence.

The opposite of resisting energy - which is the solution we want - is acceptance.

What's acceptance, really?

It’s basically saying, “Okay, this is what’s in front of me. I’ll face it, no need to fight so hard anymore.”

Doesn’t mean you like it or you’re giving up. It just means you’ve stopped running - whether it’s from the past, the mess right now, or that scary thing in the future. No more wasting energy trying to escape or pretend it’s not there.

You meet life as it is, not as you wish it would be.


When you practise acceptance, your body really reacts in many ways that supports healing:

1. Your amygdala calms down

When you practise acceptance, you stop sending danger signals to your brain. That part of the brain that normally freaks out finally gets to relax. You’re no longer reacting to every emotion like it’s an emergency. And when your brain isn’t in constant survival mode, of course your decisions improve. You become less jumpy, more thoughtful, and far less likely to say or do something you’ll regret five minutes later.

2. Your body finally relaxes

When you stop fighting everything, your body is assured that it can rest now. Your breath slows down, heart rate evens out, stress levels drop. Basically, your system stops acting like there's a fire when actually nothing is burning.

3. Inflammation cools down

When you keep resisting, your body stays inflamed - like it is always simmering. But when you start accepting, your system cools. Less tension, less ache, and less nonsense from your body.

4. Your body starts healing itself

Just like how the body knows how to repair itself after a physical injury, it can do the same after an emotional one - but only if the injury is over. If you’re still resisting and fighting, your system doesn’t get the signal to heal. Acceptance sends signal to the body that the crisis is over (even though it is not yet over in the physical realm).

5. You become more mentally flexible

Acceptance keeps your prefrontal cortex (your brain’s smart, calm, creative part) online. People who practise it have better problem-solving skills, more resilience under stress and have even better pain tolerance.

6. You suffer less, even if the pain is still there

Pain is pain. But suffering comes from all the inner struggling, not the outer, physical pain. When you accept what’s there instead of fighting it, the pain may still be there, but it doesn’t torture you the same way. Sometimes it’s not the pain itself that’s unbearable - it’s all the “why like that?”, “why me” or the “I cannot take this” that makes it worse.

7. Your brain is very clever: it can rewire itself.

When you practise acceptance, over time, your emotional awareness improves, and you stop reacting to every small thing like it’s the end of the world. There are brain scans done to prove how people who meditate regularly show stronger connections in the parts of the brain.

Let’s look at some everyday situations and how the same moment feels when your nervous system is fighting (the state of resistance), versus when your inner being is fully awake (the state of acceptance).

1. When you spill your tea:

Resistance: “Why am I always so careless? Everything is a mess now.”

Acceptance: “The tea is spilled. That’s all. No story needed. I’ll wipe it, and carry on. Nothing is broken here.”

2. When your child misbehaves:

Resistance: “Why is she like this again? I can’t take it anymore.”

Acceptance: “She’s learning how to be in this world — just like I am. My job is to stay anchored, not react to the storm.”



3. When you think of the unknown, scary future

Resistance: “What if everything goes wrong? I won’t be able to handle it.”

Acceptance: “The future is unwritten. Fear is a reminder to come back to now, where life is actually happening.”

4. When you realise you’re ageing

Resistance: “My body is changing. I don’t like how I look anymore.”

Acceptance: “My body may be changing, but I’m still me. This same body has carried me through so much. How can I not love it?”

5. When you’re sick and not getting better (yet)

Resistance: “Why is this taking so long? I just want to be back to normal.”

Acceptance: “Healing is not on my timeline. My body is doing sacred work I can’t see. My role is to trust and support it.”


6. Before public speaking

Resistance: “I can’t do this. I’m going to make a fool of myself.”

Acceptance: “Nervousness is energy moving through me. I can let it move without believing it means something is wrong.”

7. When you’re dealing with a difficult customer

Resistance: “This person is so rude. Why must I tolerate this?”

Acceptance: “They are hurting in ways I cannot see. I can stay soft in my centre while staying firm in my boundaries.”

Okay, so how to move from resistance to acceptance?

Start small. Don’t need to act like some spiritual master who loves every painful moment, okay? You just stop fighting it so hard. That alone is already a big shift.

Here’s how to begin:

1. Spot the resistance

Catch yourself in the moment: that tight feeling in your chest, that “I cannot take this” thought, or your mind spinning non-stop.

Then say, think or feel this:

“There’s a part of me that really doesn’t want to feel this right now.”

That one identification helps your brain stop thinking it’s under attack. It helps your whole system settle down a bit.

2. Bring safety to the body

Your body won’t relax just because you think a positive thought. You have to show it safety.

Try this:

  • Breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8. Do it a few times.
  • Put both feet flat on the ground.
  • Place your hand on your chest and feel: “I’m here. I’m safe. One step at a time.”

Simple things, but they tell your nervous system: “There is no tiger here, can calm down already.”

3. Don’t accept everything at once - go layer by layer

Acceptance doesn’t mean you must suddenly love your pain, be best friends with your past or feel zen about your anxiety.

Instead, you just accept 5% of it for now. Even that small shift can cause your system to slowly learn it is completely safe to feel.

4. Move the energy

I know it can be hard, but don’t just sit there bottling it up like a Coke can under pressure. Journal. Cry. Shake. Exhale loudly. Stomp your feet a bit. Scream into a pillow if you need.

Whatever helps you release. Because if the stuck energy doesn’t move out, acceptance has no space to move in.

5. Reframe acceptance as power

It’s not “giving up” or “letting it win.” It’s you saying, “Enough already. I’m not wasting any more energy fighting what’s already happened or whatever that is going to happen.”

Use that energy to heal and rebuild your life. Smarter move, right?


Final word for today


Let go of resistance. The moment you stop fighting your thoughts or when you stop believing every dramatic story your brain comes up with, you start healing - in your mind, your body and your heart.

If you’re stuck, or if the resistance feels too heavy to clear on your own, please don’t suffer in silence. That’s literally what I do. In sessions, we go deep (the stored trauma that didn’t entirely belong to you, the protective shutdowns, or the energy that’s been stuck for years). You don’t have to figure it out on your own.

But for today, all I want you to do is notice with this question: where am I still resisting - the present, the past and the future?

And then ask: what would it feel like to stop?

Let me close this with a quote by Nisargadatta Maharaj:

“In my world, nothing ever goes wrong”.

That’s enough for now. Go slow. You’re doing fine.

With love,
Shaya